Do you know how many people will often have at least one person in their life that always seems to know what buttons to push to get them to explode in anger? Well, for me it was often times with my younger brother. While I knew this fact, I was unable to answer the question of "Why?". Of what I did know about myself I tried to tell Audrey.

The level of sensativity to those buttons being pushed depends largely on how often those buttons have been pushed in their past and it does not need to be done by the same person. At the core of my being there was a desire to someday find a woman who could Love me as much I knew I could Love them. I had been raised to believe that it was meant for a man to someday cleave unto a woman and that a woman was meant to cleave unto a man in the bands of marriage. At no time did I ever somehow insist that "Audrey was the only one for me". I did know that she did possess the ability to please me. Learning what those buttons were, and learning why those buttons are "those buttons" is something that only time could tell. I do not think that many people stop to analyze why people have the effect on them as they do and so those buttons stay "buttons" for the rest of their life. I did not want this to be the case for me. In my life through matters of my own survival I had been able to develop a shield over time that was able to open and close at will and it was capable of moving to address many different situations in my life. It would give the greatest delight later in life when I would be able to develop a reputation for practically never getting angry. A reputation that I live by even today; though there are those exceptions. Becoming angry at God was to be one of those exceptions, and even something not discouraged of God, as stated in the Bible... something to the affect of "Be angry, but sin not!". God was frequently angered by man's deeds.

Anger is the emotional point that seperates Love from Hate.

Daniel Webster would define
Anticipation - as being "The act of looking forward. Specifically: a pleasureful expectation."
Expectation - as being "To consider probable or certain".
Love - as being "To feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for another".
Relationship - as being ...
Feedback - as being ...
Intimacy - as being ...
Handicap - as being ...
Psychi - as being ...
Committment - as being ...

Ethnography is the process of defining word used with a definition of a word in order to gain a better understanding of that original word. If words were variables of an equasion it would resemble a Verbal (Composite) function like F(g(x)). In the above definitions some words were used in part to define the meaning of another word; for example, Anticipation.


What is the difference between Anticipation and Expectation? What is the difference between Love and Intimacy? What is the difference between Friendship and Marriage?



From the contrast of my mother's love for her son to the uncaring world; the barrier that could keep one's sanity in place had become extremely thin.



Audrey was never viewed like some kind of mother-figure to me as in my mind she was like an abused little dog with many already existing areas of insecurity. My anger and I believe the same kind of anger began to boil as Audrey would begin to hold the opinion of "who cares about how you feel".





I would learn later on through retrospective thought and through the analyzing of my own feelings over the years that it was in the "who cares?" mentality expressed in words and deeds that would be the cause for these emotion to begin to boil. To be the best friend I could be her, I tried to consider her needs at all times. To take that effort and to say that it had no value to her, in affect, was extremely cruel as it tends to be a rare quality in today's society.