Funny thing about old e-mails. Over time it can be hard to remember how you might have felt when an e-mail is read for the first time. Sometimes I like to keep copies so that I can retain the same emotions I got from reading them the first time. It took a lot of effort for Audrey to finally tell me that she was now married. While I might like to have sympathy for her, I believe that she got just what she deserved when honesty was all I was asking from her. As it had to come from her own husband, I can't exactly blame him for his own emotions. I would probably have acted in like manner if I never knew my wife was receiving emails from a former friend. At least, that is how she views me today.

The only thing that makes a relationship hard to end are the emotions of Love one may still have for the other. Without Love in a relationship any relationship is like another and easily replaceable. Audrey never expressed any emotions she may have had for me and I felt that her family life was able to account for much of what I observed. Sure, I could bring laughter into her life, and I enjoyed doing so, but ask her about how she was feeling when she was making you feel like you were on cloud nine, and you probably could hear a pin drop. If you know that you are pleasing a person by how you are treating them would you not show satisfaction and would you not see it through her smile? I never placed any significance in the letters that I would write to her. For some unknown reason Audrey liked to collect them. With Audrey I felt very comfortable living with my heart on my sleeve. I appreciated her friendship very much and wanted to express those feelings to her often.

It was my opinion that her parents had been enotionally abusive to her as a child. I wanted nothing from her and yet she seemed to enjoy reading the letters I would write (if she did read the letters). She had allot I wanted to praise. I wanted to let her know how much I appreciated her. I had no expectations of her for her friendship. But there did come a time that I saw nonverbal signs that possibly something might be wrong. Each time I would seek out how she was feeling and she was always denying that there was anything wrong. Someday I hope her husband Joseph will see what I saw. Though his email to me had nothing flattering about it, he provided me with the information I had been seeking for fifteen years from Audrey; that she was now married. It was now appropriate that she become someone elses' concern.

In these days where the words of commitment and loyalty hold hollow meanings, I had made a vow to her to never abandon her when I was trying to back away from her. If she ever wanted a friend, then she would always find one in me. It was from that same willingness to be a friend to her that always sought her out. Even when other women were finding my company appealing I could not fully ignore that promise I had made to her in her youth.