Because of Audrey's frequent Mixed Messages to me throughout our early relationship, and because of Audrey's inability at respecting my wishes in backing away from this relationship I had had with her (which was extremely hard for me to do), I found it necessary to take on a different personna; a personna I had never taken on before her, and a personna I have never needed to take on ever since her, when I had written her a letter and then gave it to her on her birthday (a day that should only hold fond memories). It would not be a letter like any of my prior letters had been to her. Instead it would be a breakdown of all that she had done that lead me to having the feelings of anger that had been building through her unresponsiveness to my more recent letters. I still Loved her very much, but I just needed to be able to back away far enough for it to be once again comfortable at even the thought of her.

There is a time and a place for anger and even the Bible is full of situations when God was trying to teach some principle of Himself to the Children of Isreal and where He has gotten angry with them in order to achieve that goal. When it came to my friend Audrey, I too was trying to convey to her the message that "As she was aparently never going to be able to return the same degree of affection as I had been feeling towards her, I felt that I needed to back away from her; emotionally speakng. As she had described her home life to me as being like Pavlog's dog; where her parents had expectations of her and only gave her gifts when she had performed some given task in school or at home, and where none of this lifestyle represented Love to me in its' truest sense, I held great compassioin towards her and wanted to be a real friend to her!

I tend to believe these days that to her there are no varying degrees when it comes to anger. When you are angry, YOU ARE ANGRY. And when you are not angry, you are not. Once I tried to describe to her how what I had learned from the past had changed the way I address today's life situations, but did express how I would reserve my moments of anger for only God to hear; in an empty room where only He would hear me. I think that in her own mind and from reading my last letter to her; knowing how I was capable of expressing my anger; felt that I might have been referring to her personally. To me there is a BIG DIFFERENCE between what I might expect from God (any god, if there were ever multiple gods as mythology seems to state) and what I might come to expect from another human being.

To me God is GOD! He made me. He gave me life. He provide me with caring parents. As He created me; down to the molecular level and even down to the conscience level, God knowing me better than I know myself, was the only one who could answers the kinds of questions I would otherwise come for answers. The Bible as I was taught as a child is the Word of God. Even though the Bible has been the outcome of many people writing it, it has been through God - The Holy Spirit that modivated its' creation. If yu read The Bible, you would learn too that God's righteousness and justice are what sets Him apart from us. When out of my ow ignorance I do find a need to express my ANGER to Him, I try to address the issues linking them to promises He has already made in The Bible. If you were to read about Moses and Joshua and about there efforts of intercessary prayer, what was acceptable to God was in how it was presented; addressing promises He had made to Abraham, Issac, Joseph and about their legacies, that God was now threatening to destroy because of man's current sins.

As God, I hold Him to the highest level of expectations, and to the highest level of Justice. Do not be afraid of me because I may still have the ability for anger. When you are addressing God, God understands your heart even before you think a word. If He already knows my anger of Him, speaking it aloud only demonstrates my faith of Him and to Him that He is not going to srike me down for saying what comes from the Heart.

I have added a detailed set of Bible Notes as a Bible resource to anyone interested in learning about the Bible. These notes will consist of large blocks of Bible verses with text in BOLD and/or text UNDERLINED to indicate what I felt were important or comforting in reading them. I hope that these notes will interest you as well. Audrey never realized what "the word" once given in promise to another can mean to another, nor did she ever realize that all of my actions were actions of a committed friend that once promised her "to never abandon nor forsake her friendship for another. She was that special to me! Until I knew "for certain" that she had gotten married, I was committed to that vow. The Bible says many things and I try to live by all of them, for they are through the Word of God. And we are all called sometimes to sacrafice for the sake of "The Word". For me, my friendship had to take second place to my faith in God. I have never been perfect. For Audrey's sake again, I would say that there are differences in how anger should be administered to another and even the Bible says to "Be angry and Sin not".